i would come here every night, you know? and I would wonder and wonder...why?
why is all this? I would look at it all from the top of this big huge giant universe, and I would see everyone and everything and I'd think I can solve everyone's problems. that i'd have perspective  and everyone was living their tiny boring unimportant little lives. totally blind to the "higher" issues.
I'd sit there as if I was the queen of the world, condescendingly pointing out everyone how to live their lives but my own.
little by little by little
I saw mymyself fall
and fall
and fall
reach rock bottom
and fall more
I was too high there, you see.
fell just like little Alice in the rabbit's hole
except there were no wonders
no magic
just vacuum
the universe is quite big and if you have the illusion of knowing it all
high are the chances you will not land the tiny spot you first intended on
although that's all in the past
I guess I still don't know yet
what's the point?

i'be been walking around or floating around or driving around I don't know whatever
automatic pilot
I've been so busy trying to fix other people's lives that I had no clue how to exist without this sense
so I kept piloting without piloting and without knowing where to go
cause that is what humans do
right?

but what if
for a moment
I allow myself to wonder
how good would that be
to live one of those tiny little silly dreams humans have?
what if it was ok
what if I was allowed to be the center of my own life?
and work on it
and make it better
and discovering new things and deep inside universes
what if now my discomfort was all about not knowing who this new me is?
and at the same time wanting the time and the intimacy to figure all about me?

suddenly being alone was not undesired but required
natural

what if I don't know where to go?
and for the first time I sit
not beyond rock bottom nor from high above
but in a chair
and the wind touches my face
and the view is nice
and that is all that matters for now?
what if
what if I am nothing like I thought I was and that was good?
what if
what if I just needed some time to land
and to be balanced and to be kind
to myself
and get used with gravity?
what if now I take deep breaths and take baby steps and stop when needed
and it's alright to not be superhuman?
what if I am finally learning how to walk on my own?
where would I like to go?